Canvas of my mind

You will probably recognise the words in my 'dark space'. They are lyrics or lines from movies that express how I am feeling or what I am thinking. I will add to it as time goes on. These are quotes that get stuck in my head and I find I need to do something to get them out again.

This is a work in progress. So far it feels too flat and 2-D for me. I'm not yet sure what I will do with it but will post more pics as it evolves.

This is another page from my journal. My grafitti wall. Again it is a work in progress so when I get the colouring sorted better, I will put up a new pic.

For a long time I have had the words from Robbie William's song running through my head:

"Cursed, since your birth dear

and your worst fears

have all come true"

I think it resonates so strongly with me because it is exactly how I feel. I am thinking about making the bricks into little liftable flaps that I can then write my worst fears behind - might be a bit complicated for me.

Who and Why?

Just in case you are reading this and wondering who I am, what I have to say and why I am doing it, I thought I’d provide some background.

Who
I am a married mum with one young daughter. When I had my daughter my world fell to pieces. I was diagnosed with severe post natal depression. It was a very deep, dark place for me where I couldn’t initially bond with my baby and I couldn’t see any light, hope or joy. Once I was diagnosed and began treatment so much of that changed (by around 3 months so it wasn’t exactly instantaneous). I loved my daughter and I couldn’t wait to have more because it is just such a special connection and I absolutely, totally and utterly love being a mum. But 12 months down the track I am still on medication and having counselling to treat the depression, so I still have a long way to go.

I have been a part-time crafter, enjoying paper crafts, mixed media and altered arts for a couple of years. I have also journalled on and off for many years. I find my head becomes clearer and I can see my way through things and think them through when I am writing. This brings me to the “why” of this.

Why
I have decided as part of my healing journey to begin an art journal and a blog, combining my love of paper crafts etc with my writing. I don’t particularly think I am talented enough to share it with anyone nor do I think I have anything special to say. But if you read what I have to say and learn something or gain some new insight, that’s great, and if I can help someone else who is going through PND to realise all is not lost and it is possible to come out the other side, that’s even better.

I am hoping to share scans of my art journal but also just to write about whatever is on my mind. Given that I have worked for 15+ years in front of a computer I find I can type more easily than write legibly these days, so I guess you could say I am now a ‘cyber journaller’, although I do still love paper.

Anyway, thanks for stopping by and reading this. If you want, please leave a comment… preferably not too negative or critical as I am still in a vulnerable place with my depression … but healthy debate is always welcome.