My story

At our bible study group at the moment we are looking at the question of why, as Christians, we are often afraid to talk about our faith in God and the reason for our hope for eternal life. Part of the study series is to write our story about how and why we became a christian and I have been giving it some thought so I thought I'd write out what is in my head.

I became a christian at a time when my life was really bad. I grew up in an abusive home believing I was unloved, unlovable and worthless. Love was there, but it was conditional and those conditions were continually changing, so I never felt like I could do the right thing to earn the love of my parents. By the time I got to high school I was seriously messed up, planning to live on the streets and suicidal. I ended up sitting with a group of friends who were mostly christians. I realised that there was something different about them and that was something I wanted but I didn't know what it was. Eventually I started going to bible study at lunch with them and I learned that there was a God who created the whole world, including me and that He loves me so much that He was willing send His son to die for me so that I could be loved by Him and have a relationship with Him. It took a while for me to really believe it because how could God love me when my parents didn't? But I clung to that belief and hope - that I was loved, lovable and worthwhile and not only that, but God's love was unconditional. And finally I understood what it was my friends had that I found so attractive - hope and certainty of their security in God and their relationship with Him.

Becoming a Christian didn't miraculously change my life for the better, my family didn't suddenly become warm and loving people but I had certainty that God was bigger than them and He loved me. And God gave me the strength to stay at home and finish my schooling so that I could make something of my life. And God has surrounded me with wonderful friends and mentors who are my family and who fulfil my life in ways I never believed possible growing up.

I still have doubts at times today. It is hard to rewrite the lessons of my childhood and learn to trust again but I am being healed through the love of God, my husband and daughter and the friendships I have.

And I am grateful to God for my life.