Over the past 20 months I have observed something interesting in the dynamics between DH and I. Since becoming parents, there is an implied assumption that I will be the parent and DH will be only if I am not available. And this is something that has manifest itself in what I am starting to think of as the "med do, women ask" behaviour. By this I mean that DH will come home and say "I am doing X this afternoon and again on Saturday" (where X is something DD can't do with him and therefore I am looking after her). Whereas I am much more likely to say "I am thinking of doing Y, is this OK?" (asking him if he would be so kind as to give up some of his precious time to look after his daughter so I can do something).
And so it got me thinking, why do I feel I need to ask permission to have a life outside of work and the home but DH just assumes it's his right? I am wondering if it is an only child thing because he has never had to stop to think of anyone else along the way or if it is more generic to men.
I am frustrated and I have tried explaining it to DH but he doesn't get it. He says "but you went to mother's group" or something similar. He doesn't get that I would like a little bit of time where I am just me, uninterrupted to do things I would like, so I can refresh adn recharge the batteries.
But then, when I was growing up, my mum didn't have "me time" so is this a new idea for my generation? Am I selfish for hoping for a little bit of time without responsibility?
1 comment:
Thanks for sharing your blog with me Therese. I feel privileged.I really understand the permission thing. It is not so bad for me now but it took a long time and it's only that the girls don't need their parents as much that things are easier for me. DH never really changed even when he was the supposed full time carer. Go figure!
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