Was my childhood really that bad????
I saw my psych today and we were talking about my feelings about mum after having spent the week caring for her, how it feels for her to have cancer, the thought of her maybe dying etc... it was a good and useful conversation but at the end I started thinking "my childhood really wasn't that bad. Mum wasn't that bad. Why I am coming here talking about this when it really isn't that bad?"
So I guess what I am looking for is for someone to say "yes, it was bad. You should never have had to go through that. Your mum should have protected you. She failed you. It was bad and you are justified in feeling this bad and seeking help..." you get the drift????
I am stuck. I know I am minimising it... it's what I do and my psych and I even talked about the fact I feel this way, but I don't know how to move past it. I don't know how to tap into that next level and believe it was bad and I don't have to minimise it. I also want to know why I minimise it - what benefit do I get from doing that?
2 comments:
Good to hear from you Tess.. albeit in our crazy blogging worlds :) x
I don't think it's a dumb question at all... but you know as well as I do that it's one that only you can really answer :)
I only know of your childhood through what you have said.. so I see your childhood through your eyes. And we tend to compartmentalize past situations and times to either 'good' or 'bad' in our minds... perhaps what you need to do is try to remember or remind yourself of the good times. I know there are some, because you've mentioned some, but do the good outweigh the bad or vice versa? Or does that question even mean nothing because good is good and bad is bad!
I had a 'good' childhood.. but I can certainly come up with a bucketload of times when my parents weren't 'good' parents, when they individually didn't support me the way they should have, or said things to me that hurt and affected (and continue to affect) my views of myself negatively even until now, and even though I know the origins of those views!
It's a tough one but don't make it tough on yourself. The choices that you make concerning your mum, your family, only you need to feel 'right' about long term, nobody else.
Think of you often, and I hope that everything is going along 'ok' for you... always here if you want to chitchat :) x
(p.s. don't you hate it when blogs talk back to you - obviously feel free to disregard the entire comment!!!)
Why does a childhood have to be either good or bad? For that matter Why does a person have to be only good or bad?
It is quite OK to say There were some terrible things that happened to me in my childhood and my mother really let me down. I know she thought she loved me but she stuffed up in some really important areas and I am hurting because of it.
I think we minimise things for a lot of reasons but the two main reasons I can think of from experience are 1, we were taught that it wasnt that bad and 2, if it was that bad and we are looking at it it's like standing on the edge of a pool of shit, knowing we have to dive into it and we dont want to re-experience it so we imagine it is a pool of treacle. Still brown and sticky but sweet.
For those of us who find it hard to express anger, it is easier to minimise it because then the anger is not as scary.
Just my 2 cents.
But just remember, some very bad things happened to you and you didnt deserve it
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