Done

Today I give up.

I am sick of going around in circles in my head. Trying to make sense of things, trying to know whether to hope and believe and figure out where that leaves me if it doesn't work out, trying to be happy when I am not.

I am sick of smiling and being happy, putting on the "everything is ok" face when inside I am screaming, hanging on by a thread....just.

I am sick of "growing" or "maturing" or "learning" whatever the hell this is supposedly good for. I don't want to grow. I don't want to learn. It's not good for me. How can something that is destroying me be good for me?

I can't keep praising You and saying You are good and loving and that You have a purpose and it is a wonderful purpose cos it is BS. You ask too much.

I am wiped out. Emotionally. Physically. Spiritually.

I am done.