Sorry for the language in the title but that is exactly how I am feeling today. Today is the first day of starting ivf, well, we're not actually starting today. Today was just the first blood test in a series to detect ovulation so they can do an embryo transfer. If I am already a nervous ball of anxiety, how bad will I be as this cycle progresses? I'm not sure I will be able to function during the two week wait.
This is what I am worried about (thanks to Wicked... it seems to be the soundtrack of my life right now)....
"every so often we long to steal to the land of what might have been, but that cannot soften the ache we feel when reality sets back in"
I am worried about this cycle failing... that reality will be we still don't have another child, and it is going to hurt so much.
Well, that's what I am calling day 1 of our ivf journey....
just a ps... I have decided I am anxious about this cycle, and I am anxious about my anxiety over this cycle and I am also axnious that my anxiety over my anxiety for this cycle will cause the cycle to fail. I am such a nutcase!
EDITED TO ADD: Blood test result showed very low hormone levels so next blood test isn't until Friday. I am feeling better about this as it puts a very big break between this blood test (which fell on teh dragon bitch mother from hell's birthday and seemed a very bad omen) and the next one which is more likely to lead into the ivf cycle. I also feel I have a bit of breathing space so I can stop panicking - yay!
1 comment:
I love how Wicked has given you words to express your emotions.
You are inmy thoughts
Post a Comment