Last year our bub was due 24 December but I miscarried it. A friend from church's bub was due 29 December. She got to have her baby.
When I conceived this year I would have been due 24 Feb, but I miscarried again. A friend from church has just announced she is pregnant and due 16 Feb. Fortunately she is away at the moment due to a RAAF husband but they will no doubt be back in time for me to "celebrate".
Why must they always be so close? Why must I have it rubbed in my face what I have missed, the birth, the baby, the milestones. Why must there be a baby at the same age as mine should have been so I have that constant reminder. Why must I share anniversaries of failed pregnancies with the live baby of someone I know and am friends with?
I really feel like God is mocking me, taunting me because I am not good enough, faithful enough, trusting enough. He asks too much.
There are no words for the grief I feel.
It is too much. Too much to mention, too much to bear.
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