Anxious?? Moi?????

I am still somewhat surprised at how strongly both DH and psych no 4 seem to think I am an anxious person. I have never really thought I was because I see anxious people as "nervous Nellie's" who fret constantly over every little thing.

But since talking to psych no 4 last week and then writing my last blog post, I have been awake until the wee small hours worrying about talking to my psych, worrying about telling her all of that stuff that I have written following my last 2 appointments with her but I think I need to talk to her about them. I am worried because this is me, raw and vulnerable, not hiding behind any defensive barriers, but just me, the way I think and feel straight up. And I am scared. Scared to share that with her cos until now I have been protecting myself and being very careful of what I say. I guess this is me planning on biting the bullet and being real in my future appointments. So I have been worrying about it lots, which then got me thinking, maybe I am an anxious person after all.

So, as you do when you want to know something, I turned to google. So I do a couple of online anxiety tests and answer them all honestly and what do I get:

"You answered Yes to 3 items out of 10. Based upon the answers you provided, it appears you may have an anxiety disorder. It is recommended that you follow up with a mental health professional for a full evaluation."

"You have answered this anxiety screening in such a way as to suggest that you are not likely currently suffering from an anxiety disorder. Remember that a little anxiety in normal, everyday life is to be expected and is a good thing. Scoring in this range suggests you have that normal level of anxiety but would not likely qualify for an anxiety disorder diagnosis"

"According to your responses to this self test, you may have an unhealthy level of anxiety."

And last but not least...
"If your score is 55 or more (I scored 65), you should seek anxiety disorder self-help materials, counselling/coaching, or professional anxiety disorder help. Scores in this range and above often indicate that an anxiety disorder may occur, that it is already present, or that you have had an anxiety disorder in the past."

Way to go google!

So, am I an anxious person? I am starting to wonder if I am...
* Am I an anxious person because I think about the worst thing that can happen in most cases and make plans for how I would cope?
* Am I an anxious person because I worry that I can't protect DD from getting sick, seriously ill, seriously hurt or kidnapped, raped and murdered?
* Am I am anxious person because I sometimes feel like I have very little control of events in my life? Is it any wonder I feel this way given my history of abuse, where I did have very little control and my infertility, where again I have no control?
* Am I an anxious person because I worry what people will think of me? Doesn't everyone feel this way?

What characterises an anxious person from a non-anxious person? Hmmmmm....