Ahhh.. shoulda known it would happen. Yesterday I talked to psych about lots of stuff, got the OK for FET and DH's job stuff is sorted and will be for a while now.. so all was good. I was on a bit of a high and now... I have crashed into a big heap. I hate the emotional roller coaster that is my life. I don't like the way my head works at all. I just want to cruise along, not being emotional and not needing people.
Just feeling unloved, un-special (made that one up I think), unimportant... no one's fault. Oh hang on, it's the dragon bitch mother from hell's fault but she's not here and I can't blame her anyway.
Shoulda known I'd crash. I wanna crawl into bed, pull the covers up and hide forever. I want to cry but the tears won't come. It's kinda like when you feel sick and you know that if you just spewed you would feel better. I feel like if I could cry I would feel better. But the "thou shalt not cry" unspoken rule of my childhood is too strong to break.
I need a friend about now.
2 comments:
Hey chickee .... I'm here.... I'm reading and sending you big hugs! Crappy feelin' like that. Email me if you need to.... X
friend here. Just been all day at work so didn't get to read last 4 posts until now.
So you are an anxious person. Big deal. Accept that you are anxious but dont let the anxiety stop you from doing the things that are important to you like going ahead with embryo transfer and speaking the truth to your psych. Truth be told, she has probably guessed at least half of it anyway.
Thinking of you. Some people enjoy roller coasters. Not you and me I guess. Adrenaline is a bitch, but keep hanging in
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