OK, so my calm and detachment has completely left me and I am in panic mode.
This post will have way too much info to share really, but I need to write.
On Saturday when I went to the loo, when I wiped there was a bit of yellowy tinged mucous. I know mucous, and even a slight yellowy tinge, is, or can be, normal in a pregnancy. I texted a friend who is a gp and she told me not to worry (thanks :) )There was just the one incident and nothing more so all was good.
This morning when I went to the loo when I wiped there was some more mucous and it had a yellowy-orangish tinge which made me think a little of old blood possibly. So now I am in panic mode that I will lose this pregnancy too.
I talk to some ladies on a forum who have bubs due in Feb next year, just like me, and a couple of them have had one or more miscarriages. They are all worried about the possibility of another miscarriage too and we are all, even though we try so hard not to, noticing all sorts of little things and wondering "is this it?"
It is so hard not to worry, not to be anxious, not to watch for every little thing, good or bad and see them as signs that all is well or that maybe things aren't good. I hate it. I hate this constant state of alert and anxiety. I was doing so well but not any more. I am so stressed my shoulders are so tight they are just aching and I can't figure out how to relax them.
It is so hard not to be fearful after one loss and because mine happened late, at 11 weeks, I had got the point of telling people because we were so close to the 'safe zone'. It will be AGES until I get to my 8 week scan and get to see a heart beat.
I am so terrified of hearing "I'm sorry", just like last time. I thought I would be OK until the few days leading up to the ultrasound but instead, all of the fear and sadness is coming back now as I worry about this pregnancy.
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